Friday, February 20, 2009

An Interesting Revelation

As I work my way through the daily Love Dare challenges, my whole family being the subjects for these instructions on learning to love unconditionally, I discovered that with my husband, I always have the “honeymoon” stage of our relationship to fall back on when we hit a challenging mogul. Memories of when all was wonderful provides a framework to find balance. But with my children, there isn't such an "all rosey" memory lane to grab hold of and bask in for just a little while. Not really.

You see, I've known each of them from the day of conception. I've loved them and nurtured them even before I ever laid eyes on them, or got to hear their soft cooing baby chirps, or take in the wonderful scent that only clean babies have. In amongst all of those warm fuzzies, though, I dealt with morning sickness, uncomfortable somersaults beating at my ribs and bladder, years of nighttime feedings, diaper changes, nursing scary fevers, and so much more, all interwoven with the "honeymoon" niceties of getting to know my little cherubs.

There's absolutely no clear delineation of a "honeymoon" stage when it comes to our children. We've loved them in complete truthfulness, full disclosure, all their lives.

That made me think--is that why we don't divorce our children? Are our expectations of our children more Godly, more realistic, than that of our spouses because of the history between us?

Is it those who put too much merit on the "honeymoon" stage, rather than use memories of it to help calm the waves, that succumb to falling out of love with their spouse? How is it that we can continue to love our children through the toughest of circumstances, but yet with the one we chose to love, honour, and cherish till death do us part, many allow themselves a way out?

As I struggle with the tragedy of divorces mounting all around me, I have to ask, what separates the survivors from the succumbed?




Georgiana Daniels said...

I never thought of it that way, but you're right! We love our kids through it all and don't know any different.

Eileen Astels Watson said...

The Love Dare talks a lot about selfishness being the root to many of marriages problems. I tend to believe it, as how less selfish are we with respect to our children than our spouse? We've nurtured our children from birth, know no other way to care for them.

But with our spouses, for the most of us anyway, that honeymoon stage set the scene of us being nurtured, wooed, by the significant other, the total opposite of the beginning of our lives with our children.

I think I'm thinking too much this morning. So I'll shut up now.

Jessica Nelson said...

This is really true. Great question, and I have to agree with the selfishness part. I'd also say people are too controlling. Give someone room to breathe. Let them choose to love you, as you choose to love them for who they are and not how they make you feel.
And, lol, actually, choose to love DESPITE who they are. LOL
Kids are so wonderful and so draining, but you're right, we love them.
Nice post.

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Bang on with the "despite", Jessica.

It may seem funny, but I definitely agree, we are all sinners, all make mistakes, have bad habits, and we need to love our spouses despite those irritants just as we do our children. Just as Jesus loves us despite how much we still have to learn.