Okay, I feel the need to write a little forward for this, my first Kathy Carlton Willis Blog Tour posting. What a risque book I've started in on with joining her blog hosts group.
If you're like me, a little more on the conservative side than others, don't let the title or cover of Joyce S. Oglesby's book deter you from reading what it's all about. The basic premise is one I believe many of us Christian wives believe in--striving to keep passion alive within our marriage.
I read these types of books not because I worry about my husband straying, I have complete trust in my faithful hubby, I read them because I believe God wants to gift each of us with a passionate marriage for life and to receive that gift we need to do a little work now and then to bring it to life. And my man deserves a surprise, a thoughtful lift to his day every now and then, to keep him energized and help him continue being the great husband and father he is. So I don't believe this book is only for troubled marriages, I believe it will help keep passion in marriages that are already great. I also believe that men and women were made different to complement one another, but that doesn't mean we don't need to learn and adapt to the other's needs, so without further adieu, please read on and make your own assessment of this book based on the information given below...
About the Author:
Joyce Oglesby was born in South Georgia, the oldest daughter of a struggling tobacco farmer. She worked the farm alongside six brothers and a sister where her deep-rooted work ethic was born. Her tumultuous childhood proved a valuable teacher to Joyce, defining important standards and insightful wisdom with regard to life and love. She wears many hats: wife of 35 years to minister Webster Oglesby, mother, and court reporter/business owner for 30 years. They're blessed with two daughters and grandchildren. Joyce's passion is directed to women's issues. Her many speaking topics include: "Beyond This Point," "Getting Past the Past," "Choices, Consequences and Contentment," "Knowing the Hands that Touch You," "The Gift of Caregiving," "The Sacrificial Gift," "Women of Excellence," "Balancing the Scales of Mary v. Martha," among others. See: http://www.joyceoglesby.com/.
(Corydon, IN) -- Pastor's wife, Joyce S. Oglesby, felt inspired to write a relationship book out of a heavy heart for couples doomed for divorce without some sort of intervention. Her small town of Corydon, IN is buzzing about the controversial cover and title. Written similarly to the 1970s classic, Total Woman, Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home equips women to affair-proof their marriages. Maintaining a passionate love in marriage has become more urgent than ever before. The demands on today's woman can distract her from fulfilling her husband's sexual needs. Losing focus of this vital responsibility has many women facing the maladies of matrimony. Joyce says, "You're either too tired, too stressed, too fat, too flat-chested, too mad, too sad, too depressed, too dirty, too clean, too selfish, or it's just too much trouble. All this can add up to too little too late!" Her warning is that husbands can soon become distracted, leading to some form of an outside physical or emotional affair, pornography, or other avenues of release. The book talks about the dangers of boredom and staleness, and how passionless relationships leave couples unfulfilled, and makes husbands prime targets for temptation.
In Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home, wives learn why and how to preserve intimacy in their marriages, so they don't have to worry about where their husband's pants land when they come off. They'll be at the feet of their adoring wives, not at the bed of "the other woman."
Q: Why did you see the need to write this book?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: The institution of marriage and family unit as we traditionally know it is in serious trouble! My husband and I have dealt with the maladies of matrimony throughout our ministry and I have dealt with it in my career as a court reporter, as well. Label the disruption of marriage anything you want--infidelity, finances, compulsive sexual behavior, irreconcilable differences--when you plow through the rubbish, the original source of the problem almost always begins with an intimate power failure in the relationship. What better place to begin targeting this critical situation than with the woman in the home, who, in most cases, is the mover-and-shaker and creator of harmony--the barometer of the home.
Q: Why chose such a provocative cover and title?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: Why not? Ninety-five percent of the success of any book is its title and cover. If it's not catchy, people won't give it a second look. I was adamant that this cover and title be used because I'm convinced it will attract a market that would have otherwise passed it up on the bookshelves. My goal is to reach a broader audience--especially the ones that need it most.
Q: How does the book help families affair-proof their marriages?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: Within the book are 10 commonsense, back-to-basics principles that remind us of what we, as women, already know, but they're good to revisit from a different perspective. What "Pants" also brings to light is the URGENCY of its message, because NO MARRIAGE is immune to difficulty and/or staleness. This process of revitalizing our marriages is constant. We can ill-afford to let our guard down, today more than ever before. Each of the principles can stand alone. If you incorporate even one in your marriage, it enhances your relationship. But, like building blocks, if you keep adding more principles, at your own pace, then you begin to experience a richness and depth that carries you through the lean times of marriage--and we all have them.
Q: Can you give our listeners some practical tips that are found in the book?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: Certainly. The foundational concept is the obvious--commitment. You have to get up EVERY day and affirm your commitment to your husband. Your attitude is crucial, because you think your way into a mindset of love; from the emotional to the physical act, as well. If you think you don't have a sexy bone in your body, chances are you're right. So, change the way you think about yourself. We'll go through some practical applications of grooming yourself for intimacy, such as how you train him, praise him, protect him, perform for him, and others. The end result is something that benefits, empowers and fulfills you as you secure your marriage for a lifetime of love.
Q: What do you think of these so-called "emotional affairs" that are happening today? Are they dangerous to marriages and how do they creep up on people when they least expect them? How can people prevent them?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: "Emotional" affairs, such as office friendships, Internet relationships, things of this nature are extremely dangerous to a marriage. It takes our focus off of our spouses. All of a sudden, we find that we're opening our hearts to others and believe they're listening more intently than our spouses. They're saying things we like to hear. Before we know it, our spouses say all the wrong things; the other person says all the right things. We're deceived into thinking "the grass is greener." We become vulnerable to temptation. At a weak moment (and the opportunity will typically arise) the hook is set and we're caught by temptation. Some good ways to prevent this sort of thing from happening is 1) to incorporate one of the principles in the book. For instance, protect your spouse. Don't talk negative about him; if you can't find something good to say, don't go there at all, and 2) always speak of this friend's family and spouse in a positive, affirming way. It's a reminder to both of you that you're married, and you have boundaries.
Q: Some may find it odd for a 55-year-old pastor's wife to be offering sexual intimacy advice. Why do you think you are the expert in this, and why should others listen to what you have to say?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: Growing up in a home devoid of love, I wasn't really sure what a "real" marriage should consist of, but I entered marriage with some very definite ideas about what I didn't want. The principles in the book have been born from the process of developing a marriage designed to keep love in place. I didn't set out to be an "expert advisor," on marriage. My husband and I have been in the spotlight over the years because we shared a healthy relationship, and women came to me wanting to know my secrets. The tips in "Pants" have not only worked in my marriage, but they have proven to work for others. Women who truly wanted to work on their relationships with their husbands incorporated one or more of the principles and love the results. So, it's something that I know has worked in my marriage, but it has also worked in the lives of others.
Q: Contrary to popular opinion, pastors are just as at risk for temptations to draw them away from marriage intimacy as any other man. What are some things you and your husband have incorporated into your relationship to guard yourselves from these attacks and ramp up the intimacy level of your marriage?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: I believe our strong devotion to each other has been our biggest defense. Also, our public display of our devotion has kept temptation at bay. When you speak about your spouse in positive ways, when you are affectionate with each other, a kiss, a hug, (within reason, of course)--it's a terrific defense. There's that expression of "we're really in love," In restaurants, especially, we're still labeled as "honeymooners" and that's a pretty cool feeling.
Q: Pornography is at an all-time high due to the immediate availability and privacy of Internet porn. How can couples prevent this temptation from happening, and if it is already an addiction, how can a person overcome it?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: Wow! What a relevant issue! America ranks 4th in the world in porno revenue, a 13.3 billion dollar industry, and the stats change daily! I can't begin to tell you how infiltrated our homes--our CHRISTIAN homes--are with this horrific addiction. My heart has broken over close friends, ministers, long-time Christian marriages, men in their 20s to men in their 70s and everything in between, who have compromised their families and careers due to their addiction to porn. It's become epidemic!
One recommendation I would make is for women to be AWARE, and not bury their heads in the sand that this is a REAL issue in our homes today. It is too accessible! Watch your husbands; watch your kids. Watch for signs. If they're alarmed when you walk in the room and they're on the computer, insist on seeing what they were looking at. Hit the refresh key! Address the issue. Don't let it get out of hand.
If it is out of hand, FACE THE ISSUE HEAD ON! Don't walk away from the problem; thinking it will go away. These images only get embedded deeper and deeper into their psyche. Talk to someone who's been addicted; it's a fast hook! And once hooked, it's like breaking free from drugs, or even cigarette; you have withdrawals, and you always want it again--the desire rarely subsides. Your addict may need professional help, but don't ignore it. Get help fast, and make sure you connect with a counselor who treats the addiction as something inherently hazardous to your marriage--because it is!
Q: What do you see as the role of the wife in 2008? The husband? This seems to be a balanced viewpoint, but how do you refute these ideas and concepts to those who believe this is old-fashioned? To those who believe it isn't conservative enough?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: I'm very much a 21st century woman. I've been a business owner for years, and have a much more rigid, harried and unpredictable schedule than my husband. In fact, he does most of the cooking, and is quite good at it, I might add! The demands are great on both parties in a marriage; two-career families are the norm rather than the exception. Both must accept responsibilities within the home for kids, upkeep of the home, meals, and errands. But when it comes to leadership within the home, the most ideal plan is still for the man to be the spiritual leader, the woman to be submissive. This concept of submission is often misconstrued, and I believe it's because of the suppression that women have faced throughout the ages within every culture. While it's become somewhat relaxed, and often challenged, the concept is still prevalent w/in most cultures.
What men seem to miss in this idea of submission is they are called to "love their wives as Christ loved the church." If you can ever get the husband to understand this simple command--it's not an option--the wife willingly submits, or is happy to relinquish, perhaps more up-to-date terminology, control of the reins. The concept then becomes one of "you are more important than I am," and an attitude of harmony pervades in the home.
Q: Why write the book for wives and not focus on the husband's role in marital intimacy?
Joyce S. Oglesby Answers: I wrote the first book for women because we typically are the sacrificial party in a marriage. While there are exceptions to every rule, generally speaking we're mothers. We lay aside our interests and sacrifice for the families. True, we are seeing generations of women who are more focused on themselves and aren't as eager to give up the "self" within them, but for the most part, once we bear children, we put on a different cloak. We are typically the mover-and-shakers, the motivators, and designers of creativity within the home. We set the pace for harmony, even in difficult marriages. Our children look to us for the "mood" of our home life, as often do our husbands. So, writing the first book for wives then seems completely natural. But husbands, your time is coming, in book two!
Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home Author: Joyce S. Oglesby
Order at http://www.joyceoglesby.com/
Top 10 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage
1. Lose your inhibitions
2. Be creative and spontaneous
3. Be available for quick intimate moments
4. Don't compare
5. Praise him
6. Be available for intimacy especially during times of adversity.
7. Don't stop caring
8. Look as good as you can!
9. Don't keep score
10. Keep your mouth shut about your sex life.
Remember When and Why
Before you marry, take time to undertake this small task:
Make a list in rank and order of what you love the most about your future husband. Think back to what you were first attracted to and fast forward to today. After the wedding, place this list in a private place for you to refer to often. The list will be a great reminder of his attributes you love the most. This list will be a great motivator and will serve as a sedative at times as well, to spur you on to placin' a lovin' on your man. These are the reasons you chose him as a lifetime mate. You certainly want the world to know you made a wise choice.
A Contest for Romantics:
The Blog Tour for this segment is pleased to announce a special contest created for blog guests. On July 5, 2008 they will have a grand prize drawing for a special gift basket which will include: Keeping His Pants on Until He Gets Home Book, 12 Pillow Talk Love Notes, 2 Glasses, 1 bottle of sparkling apple-cranberry, 1 Beanpod Candles melter, Beach Walk wax soy beads, Bird of Paradise wax soy beads, and 9 tea lights. If you are interested in getting a ballot in on this free basket, please leave a comment in this posting by June 27, 2008 and I'll be sure to send in the semi-winner from this blog to the blog tour manager to get that name into the grand prize drawing.
July 1 Update: The finalist from my blog is Pamela. Pamela, I've sent your name and e-mail over to the blog tour coordinator to be entered into the Romantic Basket drawing. Good Luck!