Friday, November 6, 2009
We all hurt our loved ones from time to time. And we've all been hurt by our loved ones, too, I imagine. We may not realize it. And certainly, we may not intend to inflict such hurt, but the fact remains, we do it as much as they do it to us. When we're the recipient of that hurt, we have a choice to make, let it fester so that it becomes destructive to our relationship, or we can chose to conquer it--give our loved one the benefit of the doubt by entering into discussion. I say conquer instead of forgive in this case, because these are hurts we incur when forgiveness isn't really a part of the equation.
It could be as simple as a shrug offered when something seems insignificant to one, but is definitely not so minute to the other. Or it could even come as the result of a smile offered at just the wrong moment. The shrugger and smiler are oblivious to the recipients feelings and how it would affect them at the time, of course, but does the recipient recognize that? No way.
This week, my dear hubby mentioned in passing that our oldest daughter had asked him to take her to a post-secondary information night at her school. He smiled proudly, content that he'd been asked. But from my end of the short-lived conversation, all I saw was gloating.
She'd picked him over me, once again, to spend one-on-one time with, and he seemed more than pleased with what seemed to me a victory yet again for him. I was hurt. Not only that my daughter had managed to use this scenario to snub me yet one more time (intentionally or otherwise), but that my husband appeared to have no reservations about it at all. Clearly, to him, it seemed emotions should have no play in this. He was asked. He said yes. Informed me of the event. End of story.
Hello! No end of story for this brooding mother. I sulked, got quiet, withdrew, but went about my motherly and wife duties of cooking, chauffeuring, laundering, etc. all with a heavy heart. Then I got smart, and decided to conquer this hurt.
Ever suck that golf ball down your throat and just spit out your hurt? (As politely as possible, of course.)
Well, I did.
And you know what?
Hearing it from hubby's perspective gave me a whole new understanding, and the hurt was immediately conquered. No apologies were needed, though they were offered by both, because this hurt came purely from a misunderstanding of a smile (and a whole lot of baggage of emotion on my part).
So, have you had any hurts that needed conquering rather than forgiving lately? How do you conquer yours?
This will be my last Love Is... for at least a while. Why? I'm tired of loving. No, seriously, I like change, and since I'm not getting change through a renovated kitchen, or new bathroom fixtures, I'll get it through my blog. Much cheaper that way. I'm thinking of going with Writing Inspires... on Fridays for a while. What do you think? Would that interest you?
Book Giveaway Reminder: If you haven't commented on my Monday post for a chance to win Patti Lacy's second book, What the Bayou Saw, click here, and comment away if you want to be in the drawing. The more the merrier.
Surrendering to Him,